The rianmaker.

This is my story I wrote in under half an hour we needed to write a story about what we sore. Could I have some feed back?

Name Base                                                                 Pair Marker:

Success Criteria - Narrative
Features of Text	Student	Peer
I have included a beginning, middle and an end.	red	red
I have created a setting by showing with my words or using who, what, when & where.	orange	green
I have included a problem & solved it (or created good tension)	green	green
I have written a satisfying ending.	red	red
I have written in either 1st person or 3rd person.	green	green
I have used descriptive language throughout  (sets of 3, alliteration, similes, personification, metaphors) and provided detail to my story.	orange	green
I have used a range sequencing connectives. (time words or phrases)	orange	orange
My Personal Target/s:

What I think I did well: at the start. What my partner thinks I’ve done well: wording What I think I need to improve next time:finishing it What my partner thinks I need to improve next time: finishing it

“Willam straight ahead to the Rainmaker” I say to William my personal assistant. we fly towards it but out of the blue engine two fails and we have to prepare for crash landing in 3,2,1…

I wake up to see William and some bad looking people staring at me I get ready to run so I leap up and go to run but then this change was holding me back I shout out to Willam “Why Willam why are you doing this!” “Because it's for your own good trust me” William says. I get looked in a dark room and I can't see anything there's a voice “Hello William must have found you” What do you mean found you. “He finds as and brings us here because we're special”

what's your name.“Helen Bajer” That's weird because my name is Helen Bajer too…